Remembering You

It's not that I don't remember you. As diwali draws near, I remember you even more. Is it because I am facing difficult situations in life again just like past times and the challenges have just become more critical. You hated this self pity and weakness. You hated seeking support to combat the emotional turmoil. You wanted me to be strong, smart, and cunning in dealing with the problems. I sometimes wonder were you cruel to me to leave me as the sole warrior or you wanted me to be self sufficient and street smart? Yes you did not want me to be a cry baby. On the other hand you enjoyed taunting and hitting back on me sometimes breaking me. My vulnerability aroused you. It was easier to break through me then. Because your taunts made me sob and go weak. Though in the long run I know it worked like water on a red hot piece of iron where sudden cooling provides more strength. But I remember the endless fights and conflicts, the passionate arguments which ended with becoming one. I feel dizzy remembering the feel of you on me, your fingers, your hands, your arms, and everything that embodied you. How it paralyzed my mind and killed me completely. How I felt so weak with passion as you held me totally vanquished looking into your eyes. My entire being overflowing with you and my heart which was choked. I can still feel it, and all those images before me, which smile, turn into your face and look blurred. My eyes overflow.