Living with Both of You

I am bound to you in an eternal bond of worship.
You left me but the empty bed still feels warm with your warmth and my hands still feels your life force.
You ask me to live and you know that in this string of worship, she is also there.
Somewhere with us, beside us, between us.
I cover your eyes with my palm and see her nose and lips.
Why did you both have to be so vivid a reflection of each other?
Her mortal body left me and your heart is parked somewhere else...
And both of you ask me to live?

There were days when I fell asleep near her feet
Holding them close to my heart
There were days
When the morning sun would fade out
When she opened her dreamy eyes
To look into mine
And I feel you holding me close
Just letting your lips
Touch my heart
And I remember those mornings
The same feeling when your ruggedness just melts out to her...
I hug her to wake her up
But she closes her eyes
And I know...
My cool skin after the bath and cologne
Can feel her long eye lashes, her long nose, and sleepy lips
Between the open buttons of my shirt...

I shudder and hold her away
Lest she read my heart beat...
I shudder again...
But you hold me close...
And don't let me go...
And I feel your weight on me...
And I know she is nowhere...
And you tell me...
Stop thinking...

Need Bros and Sis not BFs or GFs

Imagine me sitting on a big rock on a sea shore looking at the sunset and ruminating. My quite a few years of life time has passed. I am a serial monogamous bisexual chic. I only fantasize about men and also get turned on by them. I love their company and its virtually impossible for me to live without them. Though necessarily I am not into sleeping relationships with them or committed.

About the women...God help me. I go around wasting my money, patience, time after them only for a pat on my head. I sound like a dog I know. I wish there was a girl in my life who was sincere about me, cared about me, made me feel special, hugged me, kissed me, and was affectionate towards me without being sexual. I always felt like that. Is it that I needed a sister. I have cousins but they hardly understand me though they have loved me too. I feel my compass is totally broken and am lost.

This is a phase when I just need the support, the cuddles, and the affection but not sex. I cannot be serious and casual at the same time. I only want sex when I am committed and also he or she is committed. It's just about bros and sis for me now.

Impo (r) tense

I have ultimately been able to control my arousals. I always had this big fat embarassment of getting aroused so easily. My boyfriend once said, just touching my head makes me wet. But what he didn't know was the dynamics of the female arousal. Getting wet doesn't necessarily mean aroused. Extreme exercise and weight lifting also can make someone (girl) sweat, breathless and wet. It's a fact.

So back to my spicy topic. I can absolutely control my mind even when someone touches my body. Somebody I am attracted to romantically. This came after years of practice. I am so proud of myself. I can control my sudden bouts of horniness. The other thing which bothers me is perhaps this is not control at all but impotence. Impotence in 20s? God save me!

So me as a woman perhaps can't get it up...ultimately I have reached moksha I guess.