My job was just like a marriage. I was in a different city. We met each other for the first time, liked each other and putting faith entirely on that special person, I left my place, my life, my friends behind and came to a new city, to a new family.
A lot of questions had come up on my choice of the alliance. Since I had ‘better choices’. I was not too confident on my choice either but anyways I tried to carry on well. I have always been passionate about work and relationships and there was no exception this time. On the other hand I could feel deterioration striking me and something was eating me inside. Health issues cropped up soon and also critical issues at workplace.
I was promoted to a higher band but unfortunately there was no one to guide me at my new workplace. KRAs of work, organization expectation, who to please, nothing was clear. I thought that was part of the work culture here since I had come from the metro cities. To worsen the situation I got emotionally attached to one of my seniors. The one I had met on the first meeting. She seemed to like me over the time. I liked her too, adored her beyond normal limits.
Who did I know here? What else could this sensitive heart of mine have done? On the other hand I was extremely analytical and saw things as they were, not as I wanted to see them. I got along pretty well with a young team which had a lot of potential and willingness to learn. I was happy and I made up my mind to share all the treasure of my professional experience with the team. I was also preparing for the last paper of my MBA. I succeeded in my ventures soon. I had my team with me, I had my MBA degree and yes I had my seniors with me.
In my happiness I forgot the critical factors. The KRAs of work, organization expectation, who to please, these were still unclear. I also hardly received any serious professional feedback from the object of my admiration. I have a bit of lawyer in me so I love arguing. I am young hot blooded and so can’t help it. All these were building up and the death blow came in the form of a new joinee in the team. My new reporting manager. My marriage or my job which was like a marriage ended with his feedback which came in the form of the six monthly review. It was full of loop holes, it was biased. I had no strengths according to the document. It was an occurrence unprecedented in my career. Mis-communication, misconception, misunderstanding stood there all united to ruin my career and kill me.
On top of that was the severe heart breaking pain of enduring the bureaucratic behavior of the person, I have actually loved over the time. They say that when you love someone you accept that person as they are inspite of what they are. You try to groom and mentor the person not chastise or denigrate her because even bitter honesty is demotivating. I persevered, learnt from my mistakes, admitted them, tried to correct them inspite of that I failed.
Everything will go on as it is, my silent tears will dry up, my bruised heart will perhaps heal, but this episode I want to shift delete forever from my memory and life.
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