Disappointment

I do not know why things just slip out of my hand. Like it happened yesterday. I reacted very impulsively. The incident has totally derailed me. Now what I want to concentrate on is why did I react so much? It is because people in my life have been pestering me for various reasons. I am controlling myself and enduring every thing. The pressure cooker burst yesterday but still I controlled myself. Because her beauty calmed me. I also heard my mother's reproach in her voice. Negative criticism from people I love and respect just shatters me.

I do not share everything with my Mom but I only speak with her about such issues when I feel very hurt and vulnerable. I do not hold any personal grudges against people but only against their actions or processes. I felt pestered for such a petty sum. Whats the big deal...why send so many mails. It was not an issue at all. I have worked hard all this while to hear: " I am disappointed with you"

What should I say...I was breaking apart inside. I probably knew what was in between the lines.

Yeh kya hua
Kaise hua
Kab hua
Kyu hua
Choro...yeh naa pooncho

Which company was she talking about...the company who never arranged for a transport for me from airport to office, even though I was new to the place and alone and travelled from a different city.

The company which never provided me with an accommodation...not even helping me directly to find it.

Noone turned up at the hospital or even called me during the stay there after my mom arrived.

Noone called me when I was away on medical leave.

I am a disappointment????????????

For a mail...a few angry words...for being impulsive...?
I do not want to increase your disppointment or mine any more...

You are well mannered but also sweetly rude and I am well mannered but explicitly curt when things go wrong...I can't hide it like you.

I am sure my review is screwed...and all did depend on my decision to carry out things.