Blindfolded in Maze

I am walking in a maze blindfolded for the last few months. I had decided my way, perhaps also my destination, had a rough map in my hand and yet I remained in the maze. There were times when I knew, I need to get out, I removed my blindfold for a moment and I got fooled again that I am on the right path. I got fooled that whatever I was doing so long was right.

It takes years to understand what a supportive kind of love is. It is not a person, it is not a box of feel-good feelings, it is not orgasms, it is definitely not kisses.

I was trying to realign my life based on something that happened to me. I had my doubts. No one who has not even walked on my path for a second can even figure out what I am, what I want, what I might be willing to give.

I was going to realign my life based on a future occurrence which may or may not take place. Relying on a person and believing in a person is good. But relying on a future thing might be the biggest stupidity. It's not a risk, it's stupidity.

I am in my 30s and I walked an arduous road in my past to be where I am. I understand love, commitment, friendship, infatuation, and kindness. I know that giving and what I can give might actually define a relationship. It cannot be forced. It is either there or not there. I know that being with a person when they are down and falling and in the clouds is more an affirmation of love and friendship than anything else.

Hearing when the person does not speak and just being there sometimes for the most negligible reason is enough. Do they need to lose a limb for us to be there? Definitely no. If we can't do it, if we can't take the risk to do it or feel like a firebrand to do it, then we should review the relationship. Some of us are just kind to others. It's not a relationship at all if we are kind at heart. It's not a relationship when we have failed to understand why we have failed that person. But there is nothing wrong in it so long we stop fooling us.

I didn't know a lot when I was a teenager but I never half loved anyone. I also realized when I was infatuated and in love with the concept of love. I also saw the reality of a situation always. Only recently, my vision is so blurred. I have let myself walk inside the maze blindfolded too long. First, I need to take the blindfold out and see the truth and then afterwards, I need to slowly find my way out.

I feel a bit peaceful because sometimes small things show you the way. Knowing well, that I cannot change the past or certain incidents, circumstances, but I know I can take back the control of my life and walk steadily on the path and never put a blindfold again. A thought and a doubt will never come back recurring when there is no truth.

And...then I just smile at my alter ego who tells me...Buddy I could have waited a lifetime for you to realize what you are doing...I just didn't want to point it out to you. And it's ok loneliness makes you psychotic...you think you are in quicksand and you want to be alive. Well believe you are alive...next time need the ones who need you and vice versa. It's not a big deal dude...you will get there. Yeah...you wasted sometime but you grew up.