Tuesday Meeting With Her...

I met my boss today when she called me. I had wanted this all this while and I erupted like a dormant volcano. She resisted me but broke off almost mid way. Why did she do that...why did she not silence me. She did try but very few people can win in talks with me. After all a lawyer's blood flows in me. But still I am upset because the stuff I talked about was essential but the talks started somewhere and meandered somewhere else. Though I do not regret it that much but I would like myself to control my objectivity. History keeps on repeating itself. Am I committing the same mistake again? Is it my complex that compels me to repeat my mistake? Why did I project myself the way I did?

Now these are the things I am going to practice from now. Clearly, we can make use of unconscious obstacles to help us reach self- understanding and growth. The process requires effort, suffering and perseverance but it is rewarding in the end.
There is no formula for the integration of complexes and withdrawal of projections. However, there are available tools in the form of attitudes toward our psychological "raw material" and toward our experiences. A few guidelines can be identified:

1. Let yourself feel your strong emotions, no matter how uncomfortable they make you.
2. Keep "chewing on" your thoughts and emotions until they let you entertain some new ideas or feelings.
3. Ask yourself repeatedly: What is it all about? Why does this have me by the tail?
4. Notice any images that come to mind. Do they depict what you would like to do about your discomfort?
5. Imagine what it would be like to be free of the troubling feelings and perceptions. Would you have lost anything? Would you have gained anything?

At night I gathered enough courage to call my boss. I was feeling very bad calling her up at her residence but 'first things first'. The whole process went into a loop, I called her...she called me...I called her...she called me and then I called and got through.

She was talking so affectionately to her baby and that reminded me of that slip of phrase during her first interview..."There is a child between us", meaning her baby was with her and she meant that there is some humanity in her.

I again lost my words but hope she got what I said. Though most of the times she is in the face, I have never heard her being indecent. But she called me a 'fool' and I wouldn't have felt bad even if she called me an 'idiot'. She's my boss not my friend. So what if she has called me her friend on one rare occasion. I remember the doctor's words about her...he said that my boss is the wife of his best friend and since I am her friend, no harm shall come to me. I cut him saying..she's actually my boss.

So what is wrong with the professional me? Relationships at workplace should never ever get personal. Between a senior and a junior, I guess breaking this rule is blasphemy.